Friday, September 14, 2007
FUCK YOU.
This is going to be hard, harsh, bad, cruel and inhuman. But whatever you say. Fuck you. As the title says means that I'm damn infuriated. Seriously, I don't understand a man can be so hurt by a two-day "relationship" and even if hurt, please don't try to hurt others by showing off your depression. Aren't you going to encourage that person to go into depression with you? I don't care that I'm going to be blunt and direct here. Do you think any pity will be shown to help your damn dispairing self? Let me tell you this, NEVER! That is only an cowardly act. Showing off that you are hurt, you are goddamn sad by this relationship and whatsoever. You are goddamn selfish! Do you think you are the only one hurt? Do you think the other party don't suffer guilt? All the more you show off your hurt, all the more guilt you inflict. Why? Aren't you a man? FACE IT ALREADY! Show that you are something more than a weakling hiding in the corner mourning that you are out of a relationship. Sorry for making it so blunt. I should have said this earlier. It may be harsh and I do hope you will wake up. You don't even deserve any pity and help when you don't even want to help yourself. Please, fucking end this misery already. What do you want me to do? Die to atone for my sins? Or what? Tell the whole world it's my fault? Fuck. Even if you are hurt, please don't flaunt it. I do get affected. I'm not playing around nor I'm treating this as a game. I deem it as a sidetrack. I guess I was lonely for too long at that point of time. I was blind or whatever you call. And I realise my mistake before it gets worse. What do you want me to do? Hate me for it? Please STOP your one-sided feelings. This is getting seriously irritating. You wanna be friends? Wishful thought aye? If you are bearing this grudge between us, do you think I still can be friends with you. Forget it man. Only if everything is settled, or should I say, your feelings are simmered then we can talk properly.
Not that I'm threatening this or what. You are mature enough to think properly as a MAN. Note the emphasis. Aren't a man nonchalant on this kinda stuff, moreover, it's so long already. If you have compassion by any chance, STOP blabbering all this shit about the past. Do you know it is posting much problems to others? Wanna suffer, you don't have to show it and make others suffer. I'm already dying from guilt. So please STOP IT. Pick yourself up and prove yourself to be better. Not sit in the corner and cry. You know what, I was glad that I did that because I hate people who are like this and I ended the agony earlier. You should have proven yourself to me that you were better and make me regret. But you know what, seeing you like this makes me feel that I was right that I ended it then. It was a good choice. If not, if it had dragged longer, it would haven been more difficult to deal with the situation.
Fuck. By any chance you read this post, I'm not least sad or anything. Plain anger. Or should I say a thread of relieve? Depression, emo., hurt etc is not an excuse. You are not mentally ill, you can control your feelings. You chose to be stuck there. Don't you wanna move on? If you don't, I want. Leave me alone with your "sufferings". I have had enough.
Lest you don't see the point of this post. I'm telling you to get up and move on. Don't build your sadness on someone else's guilt. It's your decision to be stuck there and I can only laugh at your stupidity and lack of determination if you keep on being like that. Quit being like that and prove to me. Seriously, yon don't learn. You don't even know how to fight back, lest protecting someone dear to you. Seriously, I ought to be glad huh.
1:27 PM
Friday, September 07, 2007
hisashiburi / long time no see
Well well, it has been a long time since I last blogged, even in the chinese blog as well. Because that damn password thing just won't work, so I'm back here. Just wanna vent some frustrations. It's not about school work stress ya, I'm never bothered by that because I always handle with a too-slack attitude. I wonder whether I would get into a jc or not. The most drastic thing is to get into C and J. That would be the worst nightmare ever but I only wanna go to the former for a lil spice of revenge. Everything can wait, my future would be decided by the audition, not solely by this. But i won't want to fall too badly even if I do not get into it, so studying for now would be a better choice in case of any emergency.
Actualy, life is so fucked up. Not too bad in overall but I just get the random emo feeling and starts to cry like there's no tml. I don't know why, seriously, I think I'm crazy. And one more thing, i really need to stress it very strongly. THE GUYS I MEET ARE ALL GODDAMN HORNY, DESPERATE AND BRAINLESS. Seriously, I wonder if those guys have brains even. I know going around Frenster, knowing people around is considered flirt? But whatever, when those brainless guys have the chance to talk to you, they talk about your body size, your bra size and how far you can accept those stuff. Screw it man, why don't you just ask me how much I charge for a night? (exaggerating here, don't think otherwise) Worst still, they don't even hav the humor to woo a women. They seriously lack the proper manners on how to ask a girl properly as well. I wonder how far can education shape a man, but I guess for these guys, they shouldn't have wasted money on education, it was all meaningless for them.
Well, all these utterly worthless meetings have led me to be damn disappointed in guys. Even my "first love", goddamn, they are all out for sex. And the best part, breakup (on Christmas) was that I refuse to have sex (or I was too innocent). Laugh out loud. I admit that I'm very affected by it and I really detest such guys. If getting together is just for sex, I guess a whore would be better to serve them. Even in few of my friends, those guys whom i thought to be "innocent", surprises mi shockingly. I wonder what this world is changing into. Pardon me for being offensive, having been suppressed for so long by all these guys, it's time for me to flare already. I do not condemn sex or anthing, but i condemn guys who ask for random sex without any suitable tactics, who were being very rude to ask such things at first meetings and those who use it as a lame excuse for requesting it or breaking up. Gosh. Can they even grow up? I reckon that they do not have brains because they are being controlled by that lil thing of theirs.
Haha, and I was once stupid enough to believe it. Never am I gonna accept this again. I wonder if my life is cursed, because I meet this kinda pattern of guys like having meals. Relationships are like this? I don't agree because I do see "normal" couples and "normal" guys who are not guided by the word sex. And seriously, why am I the unlucky one meeting these people. Give me a break already. Shoo! All these suay siao luck. Only worthy people are worth worthy things. If they treat it like nothing, doubt it's worthy anymore. Furthermore, there are consequences that are deemed as easy-to-deal with by others but sorry to me. Not that they are serious but it affects others. I do not want to build my happiness on someone else's misery. That's wrong.
Alright, end of my venting. Gotta rest. And I thought I planned to study the next minute. Opps.
10:58 AM
oanna