Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Devil beside you
Well, well just watched Devil Beside You and it just made me realised something. And that is I'
m attracted to guys like Meng. Just like I did when I first met him. But the ending is just a tad different. Aye, I also cannot be like Yue anymore like I did, I mean not that kind but just as naive. Somehow the motive was different as well but nevermind, it's all over now.
But I will still try to accept the change now. I'm starting to acknowledge that everything that happened to me within these two years had left a deep impact on me. Everything that happened. Perhaps it meant a good change as well but not for now. Thanks to nette for pointing that out to me now. I guess it is those who stay with you all along that they will notice every single change.
Back to the topic of relationships. I seriously am not looking for any commitment. This may sound like a bitch but whatever. Maybe I can say I have lost total trust in love. All the guys I met are seriously fuck shits. Especially online ones, non are good. Perphaps this is too collective to say all the guys but really, maybe I'm just not good with guys. Those good ones are just not right. Zzz, how the hell I'm going to meet the right one. I don't want to end up marrying just for the sake of marrying. I really wanna find someone special and really fits the bill. I wanna try the feeling of falling in love again. I just can't find it or I should allow time to let fate fall into place.
I really have no idea about life now. I don't know where to head. I don't wanna grow up and go into the adult working world. It is so hideous. I wanna find the right work to go into and I shall work with passion if not life would be too boring. That dream, I really have no idea when it will come but again, I will just leave it too fate. Life's just a tad too difficult, isn't it.
Fate aye, I shall wait then.
10:15 AM
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Revived
LOLS. So I am back here bloggin again. I know it's dead. So I'm here to revive. It has been a long time, hasn't it? The wounds which can't heal also stayed a tad too long, didn't it? Is wasn't the person who left the impact. It was the things he did. Everytime someone else does it again, it's just so familiar that the memory comes flooding into my mind. That it became too clear to even differentiate memory and reality. He left the impact and the other just relived it. I'm just another photocopy machine; copying again and again. Well i guess, I need a new life.
Now, I turned my attention to dance. Even though PA is not any place like NHDS but it's the only place where I can find real assurance and friendship. Where everything falls into place and is so amicable. At least I have people who can help me carry things. =P But I really have to thank them all who gave my life a new leash of hope. =D I like the atmosphere there with the people. It's not really sarcastic, competitive and stressful. Finally I am free. I can understand why she felt this way too. She found her own sanctuary, I found mine too.
Then again, I'm never going to AC even if I can make it. I don't want to be there. It's beacuse of a lot of reasons. To avoid them I guess. I changed due to them too. Never to succumb to peer pressure again. LOLS. Like what nette told me, it would be a better choice. Let's just see where fate will bring me to.
有些事；有些人；有些场所；有些话，不用提醒也已经深深地烙印在脑海里，怎么抹也抹不掉。
我或许依然活在记忆里，但现实也没有好到哪里去。我讨厌现在的自己，却也什么都做不了。这或许是弱者的话。但如果世界有分弱者与强者，我宁可是弱者，因为弱者不用背负责任。但如果不像强者一样面对困难，我也只有一辈子默默地忍受现在的我。我应该怎么办呢？好累啊，真的好累。我想还是继续等那位可以给我带来奇迹的人吧。
“老天爷会为那些曾经付出努力的人，搭起一个叫偶遇的桥梁，让他们与幸福再次相遇。”
我依然在等我的偶遇，又或许我这一辈子都等不到。
8:43 AM
oanna