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Simply said, it's confusing for an aquariabn to fall in love. I feel like crying now. Like literally T.T Haha, but it's not going to help. I'm sick and tired of thinking all the possibilities and being thrown from hell to heaven and to and fro everyday. If you know what I mean, if you know how I feel, decide and do something already.
If love is something that is so straightfoward and direct, wouldn't it have been a lot easier to show these feelings? I am undoubtly confused but I hate to do anything to lose that friendship more than love. I do think a lot and that is why I'm head over heels for you now. Yet, I cannot do anything, I said before I will never show my affections, and that is a trait and too bad, unless you move, I move, or else goodbye. Let's just stay this way for awhile, and when I know it's you, I will be yours eventually. =)
Sorry for being a bitch. You know I am. Sorry for being so childish, naive, not receiving and lying. I know I am bad at that and I know you know it. Maybe I am allergic to strangers. That is why. Sorry my dears. I ain't no saint. I cannot change what I think for now but I will try ya? Don't think so much. I just wanna be alone at times.
I know it is pretty lame to blog now as I still have lessons tomorrow but I just cannot help it yea. Because, I am just being a little crazy now. I miss him, I missed the person who made me this way. He wasn't fully responsible but yea, call it nostalgic. I miss you. Just let me proclaim it a little. It may be years back but perhaps, he was just buried there and tonight he just came back to visit me a little while. Was I trying to prove myself that I had made myself such a fool all these while? I don't know.
Like okays, I will only blog when I am feeling down because this is my only way of destressing and happy stuff aren't good to brag about. Seriously, perhaps there is nothing in life for me to be elated about. And really, can mum and dad just divorce already? I hate being the freak here looking at soapy dramas everyday, they try to hide it, I try to fake it but it's not gonna help it. Why do you have to stay out late because that guy is back? Don't try to be funny, even a virgin like me know what's happening. I know what you need, I don't mind and I freakingly am okay with it. But can you don't try to deny it, hide it and scold me when I have shown so much consideration for you? Have I ever told you I am playing all holiday and not working? Have you thought your daughter is having fun this holiday? Yea, she did. In a pretty tiring and depressing way huh. And you, can't you just stop your excuses and apologize? Don't try to ask me to understand ya? Don't try to talk big ya? I hate that fucking attitude of yours. I know all these shit you do outside and don't freakingly come act pathetic infront of me. I ain't no saint my dearests. I am a human, I have feelings, I can pretend but get hurt. So fuckingly spare a thought for this lonely, pathetic, selfish, spoiled, already dying princess. You know, it's not easy to endure all these shit alone. You know how envious I am of all those happy families outside? If you guys had just left me when I was young, probably I wouldn't feel so bad. Losing happiness is the worst thing a person can endure. Fancy the life I have now? Looking at all the happiness fade away and be engulfed by darkness bit by bit. Yea man, I do look fine and can relate my situation in the least destressing and funniest tone possible, but do you know how I feel inside? Damn, as if anyone knows.