Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Peace?
Actually since my life so far, I have never believed that happiness will be bestowed in my life and can carry on for a long time. Call it superstitious, call it nostalgic; but being in happiness for awhile makes me think back to the times when I'm sad and emo. Yea, isn't this the most idiotic thought ever? How can someone get bored of happiness and long for sadness. It's not that I long for it. I just don't believe that happiness stays. That's all.
I'm in such a peaceful mood now and I'm reflecting on a lot of stuff. I like to stare at the sky faraway and just ponder about life while listening to slow music. Kinda stupid but yea, I don't have time to relax and now is just the time when I'm free of all unnecessary thoughts and only thinking about life. Well, I'm having Japanese lesson later, it doesn't make me any less busy.
Suddenly, well not suddenly, I just think that I'm way too independent sometimes. Perhaps it's an aquarian thought. I cannot stay in a crowd for too long, I prefer to be alone sometimes. Loneliness is something so familiar that it's like a friend. Being accompanied all these while makes me miss it a little and now it's just back to visit me a little. I'm actually glad now. =) Really. I don't feel bad, excited, sad, happy nor anything. I just feel peaceful. Pretty good feeling aye.
That's why bestie and me clique so well. =) We both need that space to ponder. Her, being an S person and me, an I person. Different but similar. I love that. Yayness, I'm meeting her on fridae and we have loads of stuff to catch up. I'm really thankful to anyone up there blessing me with her. I just know I won't lose her. Never ever. <3 that girl.
Oh yea, and since I'm in polytechnic for so long. I just dread that feeling of people desperately finding companion. It's just like a survival skill; if you don't have friends, you die. Like it's so pathetic sometimes. Just people desperately searching for attention, tell me just how much true friends do you have? I will answer that for you. None. It almost apply to all those people I have seen out there. I don't know why. I'm not trying to act like whatever saint here. Just how I feel. Damn, now I know why I can be so distant. I am friendly but the road to my true feelings are that far. Like what I experienced in my course or cca (okae, more like my whole environment) is rotating in this cycle every now and then. Kinda pathetic but no one can help it. I just wish before everything fades away, the true friendship that I had found will never fade. Nah, it will fade, just let the good memories stay will do. =)
Oh and my boy. It's kinda fated I guess? Seriously, no matter how much I ponder, I just cannot figure out why we ended up together. So I concluded it as fate that brought us here. =) Actually, we really need to go through some obstacles together, then we will realise the importance of each other, and whether we will make it or not. Though nette and me didn't really quarrel or anything but we were there for each other at our lowest moments. Our deepest thoughts, deepest secrets and deepest side of our heart were exposed to each other. That is why we read each other like a book. ^^ Boy, I really want to go that far with you. Trust me, I really do. I now know why I had all that feelings. It was because we didn't knew each other that that that long enough. We need to go through all of the milestones in life to prove that we are meant for each other. Isn't that why we got together? Just being there for each other when we need it. Believe me, time will prove. Actually, I guess you would have thought about this already. It was me who was unsure all along and having all those stupid thoughts. I apologize for that. Now that I really sit down and ask myself, ponder about it; it is actually me who didn't give a thorough thought and said all those hurtful words. I shouldn't have been so selfish all along. I ain't no good girl. Pardon me for being such a bitch. =) After I typed down what I thought, I feel much better and secured about my own feelings as well. It's as if my feelings have settled down again. Yea, getting together and all those uproar by those people. I did get annoyed but now, I'm not gonna care. Eventually, it's you I'm staying with and I'm not gonna let go so easily. Once I said you are Skye, I won't ever let Skye-type of guys slip away ya. This might sound mean, but even if I don't like you anymore, I will keep you by my side, call it possessive. Well, I am. If I cannnot have, others can forget about having it. ;D <3 that boy.
So I have wasted the past hour typing down what I thought. Heh, actually I wanted to do French eh. Nevermind, the oppotunity cost of sorting out thoughts is much higher than not doing French. I can still do it tonight. Well I am one lazy ass. Woots. Facing stuff is better than running away. Moreover, what's there to lose? Not that I have never been to the lowest point in life before? So why should I be afraid of something that's not even happening, or might happen but might not be the worst? I have found the two most important people of my life. It is sad that they are not from my family, but the horoscope did said, aquarians have no fate with their family. So yea, that's why I believe in superstition. xD
1:01 AM
oanna