Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Life as it seems
Alrights, my famous saying yet again. Life as it seems. Seems like I am back to square one aye? But I guess this is just a simple routine of life. Got loads more to learn yea. I am whatever you deem me as, I have no rights over what people think. Just, just don't play games with me. Simply, if you have any issues, say it out in my face. Don't do things this way, it's just not right. I prefer true than fakes, I prefer to face the harsh reality than playing those mind games. It's boring. How come I have my sec 1 feel again? Hahahahaha. History always repeat itself aye. I just have to learn more. =) I know, I know. I will learn to face it. Damn, I should have gone with Nette in the first place. Jo, just where did that confidence came from which told you that you won't go to poly? You simply landed youself in a hell hole. Or is it that this world is just another hell hole? Do you find happy things in a hell hole? No right, so this world is not yet a hell hole. =) However, a part of it is. And I proudly say that I regretted putting that third choice on that stupid asshole column. Now I hate myself for being an asshole to land myself in a hell hole. Oh, how it rhymes.
Yet, I cannot completely say that the place is a hell hole, just that fucking choice I played with, even if I knew my hand was itchy, I shouldn't have changed that original third choice. I never regretted so much. Never did. Even the worst thing was my first love, this choice was worse than that. Oh god. Enlighten me. Let me run far far away. I don't want to care seriously. Just let me run with my boy. I wished I could proudly announce. Let's elope.
9:19 AM
Friday, January 16, 2009
Digest these:1. 如果你开心和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，都是同一个人，那就最完美， 如果开心的时候和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，不是同一个人，我劝你应该选择你想和她共度悲伤时刻的那一个，人生本来是苦多于乐.你的开心，有太多人可以和你分享，不一定要是情人，如果日子过得快乐,自己一人也很好，悲伤，却不是很多人可以和你分担。 你愿意把悲伤告诉他，他才是你最想亲近和珍惜的人。2. 爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？3. 没有枯涩的泪水，也没有遗憾，离去的人根本不知道那即将是一场告别。带着微笑远离，是最幸福的一种离别。所有的不舍，留给等待的那个人。一天将尽，离别之后，明日我们还会相见吗？明日，也许是天涯之遥。4. 也许每一个女人都希望生命中有一个杨弘念，一个徐文治。一个是无法触摸的男人，一个脚踏实地。一个被你伤害，为你受苦。另一个让你伤心。一个只适宜作情人，另一个却可以长相厮守。一个是火，燃烧生命，一个是水，滋养生命。女人可以没有火，却不能没有水。
How true. 5. 爱情无须刻意把握，越想抓牢自己的爱情，反而越容易失去自我，失去原则，失去彼此之间应该保持的宽容和谅解。 Let love go the way it should.6. 想把一个男人留在身边，就要让他知道，你随时可以离开他。Aiseh. 7. 有些失望是不可避免的，但大部分的失望，都是因为你高估了自己。True True.8. 只想找一个在我失意时可以承受我的眼泪;在我快乐时，可以让我咬一口的肩膊。Awwwwww. 9. 一个承诺在最需要的时候没有兑现，那就是出卖，以后再兑现，已经没什么意思了。Yep!10. 凡事皆有代价，快乐的代价便是痛苦。Okay, that's all for today. The webbie for 张小娴's quotes is good. So true. Take a look. =) http://www.yandui.com/renwu/11104/ I did cite okay!
2:51 AM
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
At brink.
Yes, I am listening to classical music now to relieve my stress. Why didn't I choose those chanting sutras, simply because that I an scared that if I play that as loud speaker, I will attract unnecessary trouble. Yes, I have this fear within me. I cannot identify it, it's been with me for long, especially when I am alone at night and able to think of stuff alone. It's a fear, fear to be alone and a fear to not acknowledge that there might just be someone of a different world watching me. I wonder if it's my own hallucinations or what. Please, I want to have a peace of mind. Just leave me. Or is it that I should see a psychiatrist? But I am just tired of all of these shit. Please, leave me alone. I want a new environment.
I am stressed up. And the fucking fact is that I have to push myself to suit the flavour of others. Why? Why do I have to work so hard? Why do I have to be envious of others? Why do I have to change myself to suit others? Why do I have to push myself so far? Why do I have to think about the future?
I don't want to live in the past and having those memories that haunt me. Those scary ones, painful ones and hurtful ones. PLEASE GO AWAY. I only wanna cherish the nice ones, sweet ones and beautiful ones. Maybe it's time to change how I look at things. I don't have to be as pragmatic as I used to be. Perhaps, this ghost inside my heart can also go away. I know it's you, tiny winy little evil thing. Go please. Find another owner. Don't haunt me in the night and make me scared and worry about those stuff that might not come or even happen.
I want to sleep peacefully, have my dreams about handsome boys or even with my boy. I want to look at people straight, I don't want to look at things with a thin glass of mirror within. Even when I look at my boy, I have this feeling that he is so far, not because he is far but because I think I might leave him eventually. Get this clear, how the fuck are you going to leave him when he is so special and close to you. Can't you just love him fully already and dedicate your life to him? Fuck you jo, why do you have to always look at your palm lines and wonder which line you are going to choose? Why are you always signing and pondering? FUCK IT. Just live your life as it is and who cares where it leads to as long as you enjoy this moment of your life? Why do you have to care about external stuff and make your life so difficult? If there is only one source of trouble, that would be your own mind. It's you who put those burden on your shoulder. You could have said no. You could have simply just enjoy a normal poly life with cca and boyfriend. How the fuck did you manage to stress yourself with those extra modules. Sounds dope when you say to people ya, but do you know how much it takes to be there? I want to be paris hilton. So what if I'm a bitch? I am rich. Simple as that. Then I don't have to worry about life and I'm on my heels to Europe.
Hmmmmm. Classical music do help. Yea, I'm not gonna think anymore. I stand strong and stay strong. If anything were to confront me in this life or haunt me in the night, I'm not going to be scared, I will face it with my everything. Trust me, I am crazy. Crazier than anyone you can think of and yet maintain a stable mind. LOLS. I find myself dope and that is final. XD
I swear to god and whoever that is blessing me I will love LIM WEI LIANG this life and never turn my back against him. I will love him with all my heart and never doubt him. I will never look at him with a different eye and will support him as I can. I will try to teh but not change my personality. I will dedicate my life to his and stay with him forever as promised. This time I don't care about the fact that forever is not possible and whatever heartbreaks that I will end up with. I will mingle with his family and treat them as mine. =D I will do everything I can to be beside him. If any girl tries to be funny, you are going to get it from me. =X But I am still a nice lady aye? <3333><
Lastly, I swear to god and whoever that is blessing me that I will take good care of myself and will not think so much. I will take care of my body so as to dance while I can, I will take care of my mind so as to stay pure and kind from this polluted world. I will share my fortune and bless others with what I have, though it might not be a lot and not financially at all. I will take care of my family even whatever happens at all costs. I will not forsake anyone in my life. Most importantly, I will never forsake myself. I will find time to rest and catch up. I will not run non stop everytime. If necessary, I must learn to give up. In this life, I might have lost a lot and gained a lot. I do not deny that I am afraid to lose what I have currently. However, I promise to stay brave and strong, believe in myself and never run away from reality because it is the worst thing a human can do. I stand strong and I stay strong. =)
Thank god and whoever that is blessing me. =)
5:03 AM
oanna