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This day, this night, this time; I am engulfed in happiness. It's good to talk things out, be frank and come back to Earth. xD Don't think too much Jo. What more can you ask for? Though everything else seems to be in a bad shape, yet at least this one thing you made it right. Isn't that good enough? Learn to count your blessings, for everything is not here by chance. Cherish everything you have kaes? Be it good or bad. =) Thanks. Loads of love. <3
Let me run; run into the arms which can protect me and dry my tears. Let me lie on the shoulders which will ease all my sadness. Perhaps I need to go back to the independent mindset once more to tide over this period at least but it hurts. I just need a little encouragement, a little love, a little princess treatment. =) I wanna go back to my castle now, I don't wanna run around searching for nothing anymore, it's futile. Byebye! Till I come back.
So now, I shall proclaim that I am officially 18 and there is a lot more responsibility for me to bear. Though I am still lazy to do the housework and such, but hell ya, there's no more running away from reality. I have learnt a lot of things from these 18 years and there's more to come. I am thankful for everthing I have even though it is not perfect and not what I wished for. However, human have to master the art of satisfaction. It is purely because humans have unlimited wants and there comes the unhappiness when you cannot attain that want. Be it grades, relationships and your own desires. It's all the same, just because you want and you cannot get it, you get emotional. Thus, I conclude that I have to learn to appreciate what I have and stop being a greedy girl.
I am not trying to proclaim as any saint. I know my limits and yea, perhaps I am the bitch everyone else says I am. Well, I am, as I have always said. I don't wish to ask for sympathy or anything else because it is not fair to anyone else. Just imagine with me for a while; with outrageous family problems, family financial crisis, dance; which I have to work double hard to perform and maintain active in these two sides. One is my past and current dance course, if I did forsake any of each, I would regret for not respecting my passion. The one more him I have to give extra care to; which I wished I could but I never did. And the studies that I dread to have so many stuff to do and extra lessons. Plus that stupid knee that keeps coming back. I am one hell of a greedy bitch. I thought I could manage, but I am just another human. I have emotions, have expectations, have hopes, have mistakes, have bad habits and everything else a human could ask for. I just wondered, why no matter how hard I worked, it was not enough. I couldn't do anything to help mum when I wished I could, I couldn't be there for bestie when she needed me most, I couldn't be the girl for him, I couldn't dance with my emotions, I couldn't meet the expectations anyone else had for me. I have no pride because I have nothing to be proud of. I am a pretender, a fake and full of masks. I have a bad personality. Anything you deem me as. Well, whatever. All these years, I have seen everyone else leave, even my father could. Perhaps that part altered my life a lot and I really have nothing to say. I am not trying to explain or defend myself. I am everything whoever deem me as and I have no rights over it. I judge my own life. I learn, change and pick myself up. I just hope every bad things end here.
Talk about childishness, well I am one hell of a good display but I found someone who is better. I don't have to spell it out. She knows it better than me. I worked my way here, not like someone who could slip their asses in. Though it was fuckingly not my first choice anyway. Thanks for being such a good publicity. If you have some guts, fuckingly come show it to my face. ^^ Don't have to use such ways to get your retarded message across. Should I say, if people like you guys have some courtesy to at least tell me or warned me in any sense, I could have stood out. At least I asked. Now who is the one saying stuff is much done and such? I am not surprised that if upcoming situations are the same because I was literally backstabbed as I didn't even know a shit. If this is what you called understanding, team spirit or even a fucking friend? Please say before you even try to play games with me. I do not need to seek understanding, forgiveness or whatsoever simpathetic feelings. I do not need all of these. Well what, I'm just another bitch you see next door.