Wednesday, March 04, 2009
The dumbass. =)
Heyhey, after so long of disappearance and I am finally back! Heh, actually I didn't disappear very long, just that eveything is still packed though not busy and stressed at the moment. Work is pathetic, everywhere is cutting costs and I am lucky to be hired back in Pepper Lunch, as usual, but with a lesser workload. Count me lucky for the moment.
Then again, due to the ability to slack and space out alone, it's kinda fun to ponder about life and stuff. Yea, as a typical Aquarian, this is what I love to do. I was wondering when I can ever attain that kind of enlightenment and tranquility in my life. When can I go to a place call home, though I might be alone, and just wander the streets while being absorbed into the big big world I am in. I don't mind if I live in a rural area and I have to travel by foot every now and then. I just want to enjoy life with freedom and peace. I guess everyone else would like to have such a life, who wouldn't? I don't think it's fun to rush around everyday just to earn that few bucks and life is just so dull. It's not boring, but just not the kind of satisfaction I wish to attain. As I grow up, I came to realise there are things and dreams you have to give up just to suit the crowd and succumb to reality. Yea, it's all the norm. Apathetic and stereotypical. Yet again, some declaration, I ain't no saint. So, I just like to post stupid questions that is like so =.=
One more thing, it's sad to have family falling apart. So do cherish what you have now, cuz you don't know when it will be shattered. It's not that this is unusual, as someone of the later generation, there's nothing we can do. Other than accepting the fact, do you think crying, talking, shouting or even silence will help? I suppose ignorance is the best thing to do. Close both eyes, shut your ears and cut off all connection. That way, hurt won't knock at your door so fast. It might be deemed as running away, but other that this way, nothing can be done and this is the best solution. It's worst to be the only one shouldering all these shit but what's there to be done when everything is done? I just hope that I can give a better situation for my family next time. There's no point brooding over it. It's not optimism. It's just life.
And then again, life as it seems. My famous saying I love to use since secondary two. =) Life as it seems. It's just like a story. I am a bad person, I bear the sinful thoughts, I have killed a thing or two or more, I couldn't be the perfect person, I am not able to meet all expectations, I am unable to help at times, I am emotional, I am stupid and idiotic, I give sarcastic remarks when I think something is ridiculous, I have expectations for others but I forgot mine, I am lazy, I am irresponsible and I am everything I am. This is me as a human. I admit that I have mistakes but I am not unreasonable. Just that I don't like to be maligned and I cannot even defend myself. Worse still, I have to be judged by people whom I don't even give a damn. It's just not fair to be judged by people who don't even know you. Gah. All these shit. Is it me that is weird or the world's weird? It's me right? Well, whatever.
Hope. I hope that the world will end sooner. Then I will have a reason to die without being punished. How long are we going to take to end this idiot's parade (Recall: Money talks, that's what idiots will say, but you will find out that this world is an idiot's parade.)? Good Charlotte. I love them. =) Yea, let me end all these shit and I wanna rest in peace. It's not a suicidal note. Fret not, you won't find my picture in the obituary so soon. I still have to pay all the debts I owe to mum before I can die and I have to fulfill all the promises I made before finally saying goodbye. Life is still long ahead, I know I have a lot of things not done, not that I don't wish to do them. Just that, life is tiring. Sometimes, I get so tired that I only though of resting in peace. Insomnia is not helping at all. Death might be the best permanent solution. But hell no I am going to do that. Say say only, why so serious? xD Hope. I wish to carry hope in myself and always look on the better side. Okay, at least neutral side can? Hope for the best, expect the worst. Perfect solution. Let's hope.
Love. I wish I can believe in it forever and ever. After my first taste of it when I was 15, I got so crazy, devastated and hurt. It wasn't long and wasn't much but was enough to change my life. =) I wished I could erase it with a eraser, but there's no way to deny it. Even this blog was created for it. Yea, I wanted to face reality and carry on living with it because past is what make us today. It's part and parcel of our life. I just finally understood the meaning of love this time. That time, it was only a one-sided love. It was love. This time, it is a mutual love. It is love. Love come in many forms, and many a time, it's just too insignificant that we miss it by chance. So now, if anyone is in it, try to catch it and cherish it alrights? I will too. Though, you know, first love is always different from others. Or rather, every love is different. Do you notice, everytime you love, it comes with a different value, perception and reaction. Just because you have more experience, you know what to do? Nah, it's not experience. It's just, you are giving love to a different person and thus, the difference. Yea, now then I understand it. Experience might give you knowledge on how to react to the opposite sex but doesn't teach you how to love that one person. It's you who give that special love to that special someone. It doesn't matter who loves who more. You know why? Because love is indispensable, and if someone is either dispensable of you or for you, it just means that it's not love and both of you just don't love each other. Love cannot be measured. If it's measurable, it's not love. Because love know no bounds. It does not come with a definition when two is in it. <3
Enough for today, I shall go rest for tomorrow. Work and dance. Gwah.
8:26 AM
oanna